How much do you weigh? What size do you wear? Does it really matter?
I've been fat all my life. 50% of you will agree with me, the other 50% probably read that statement with some confusion and concern for my state. I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes us fat. Ofcourse there is the obvious over indulgence and laziness, the two things we spend most of our waking hours watching infomercials about and getting advice on how to tackle them. Well, i'm finding that those aren't the only culprits. You may already know, but some of these are new to me.
PEOPLE - Yes, people make us fat. No! I don't mean they force feed us soda and french fries, but they force us to be unnaturally conscious about our bodies. If you run into 20 people today, 10 will greet you with "oh my you've been putting on weight!", 8 will say "Wow have you been working out?', and the final 2 real friends you may have will just say it's good to see you. That doesn't happen to you? My bad, well it happens to me all the time. Countless times I've left home feeling pretty awesome about me and my outfit but come home feeling fat because of a casual comment. I'm sure they don't mean any harm, but commenting on body size has become as cliche as saying "Hi, how are you?". it just rolls off the tongue. Some people can't help it. Even when they don't say it, they think it. It's like we're in constant copetition and when we see we are winning we have to declare victory. "HEY you're looking fatter than me today, how are you?" We need to learn how to manage these comments so it doesnt affect what we know to be true about our bodies.
CLOTHES - Don't laugh, I'm being real. Our wardrobe is filled with clothing in numerous sizes. Some things fit, other things, well, we might fit them again 
one day. Sometimes we forget that we've had that dress since high school and try to wiggle into it, when it doesn't pass the hips then "UGH I'm so fat!". The other issue with clothing is that they are designed based on either Barbie bodies, or 12 year old boyish figures. Take six different women who say they are a size 8, look at the shape of their bodies. One is wider in the hip, one in the butt, one has thick thighs, one has a muffin, one has big boobs, one is shaped like a rectangle and one is 6 feet tall. What happens when all these women walk into a store to buy size 8 clothes? They walk away feeling fat. I get that it must be quite a challenge for manufacturers to style clothing to fit the awesome range in body types 
and shapes, but that's for them to figure out. I notice a trend with the new "curvy girl" styles, but that's just a small step towards fixing the problem.
MEDIA - The photoshopped world! I heard a comment recently that "not even those girls look like those girls, so why should we expect to" He was refering to the made up, photoshopped, art directed poses of the perfect women we see in the media. I'm somewhat fond of the unofficial "without makeup" campaigns that show what celebrities really look like when they are off the clock; It helps us to measure ourselves correctly. So now if you really want to compare, go take a picture of your self all made up, get it photoshop then compare. If you're still not happy, then go photoshop it some more. It's absolutely unfair to compare our natural bodies to magazine covers, it will always leave us feeling fat.
FAT EYES - I have fat eyes. No matter what the scale says, no matter the number on the tape measure, no matter how many hours I spend at the gym, when I catch my reflection in the mirror it looks fat. There are some days I will be getting dressed and just feel and look absolutely fabulous, but that's in the minority; moreso because of people, media and clothes. Women tend to have a skewed concept of their body type and size (i'm guessing men do too). I read a blog recently about a woman on her weight loss journey. She pointed a woman out to her husband one day and said "I can't wait til i'm her size". Her husband was surprised at her statement and said "Babe, you are so much smaller than she is". So here is a woman trying to lose weight, working towards this visual goal that she had surpassed even before starting the journey. How frustrating is it to be working towards something you've already achieved, but you just dont know it yet? Thats like working all your life to buy a house then have someone tell you that you've owned one all along. I'd be pissed and happy at the same time. So anyway, when I read her blog I thought, "Hey I do that too".
When I realized that i had Fat Eyes I started asking my husband if i was bigger or smaller than women I see. I can imagine its awkward for him to answer, but I prefaced it with the reason I asked. I was wrong about all the women I thought I was bigger than or atleast the same size as. There was one woman who I thought I was on par with, even after being told I was not i wasn't sold. I recently saw a picture of us standing side by side and was in shock. I was dwarfed horizontally and vertically by her. How is it that I can't see this? Having Fat Eyes i'm guessing is some sort of non-clinical disroder where women see themsselves as fat and as a result, perpetually pursue weightloss programs.
I've decided from now on that I wont pursue a particular size, shape or number. It's endless and impossible. I will instead pursue a body that makes me feel healthy and confident. I think you should too. I don't think there is any one ideal. I was a size 4 before but that didnt make me feel confident. I know I wasn't healthy either, just slender. I felt like a 12 year old. I like feeling womanly, so I welcome a little more roundess, and I defintely enjoyed the few donuts that helped bring me here! I've also been a size 10-12 before and that was a mess for me. Do you know what its like to feel like your skin is on too tight? I was a mess. That motivated me to come down a bit. I'm just a few nudges away from my size confident, but i'm very awarre now that it's not my scale or my eyes that will assure me that i've arrived.
We can't be happy at a size that someone else tells us to be. I get that peer pressure is a pain, but we need to take back the reigns. There are some pretty confident and healthy size 16 AND size 2 girls out there. Find your size confident. I'm definitely not promoting obesity (every blog needs a good disclaimer), but the next time someone asks what size you are, just say... "I'm a size confident"