Consecration Woes

Consecration: Web definitions: a solemn commitment of your life or your time to some cherished purpose (to a service or a goal);

Every January, my church - WOCC goes through a period of consecration. It is essentially a tithe of our year, 36.5 days. it is a very powerful period of fasting, prayer and sacrifice. This year we are fasting from January 2nd until February 3rd.

The idea behind the consecration is to "deny our flesh for a spiritual and natural purpose. Indeed, our spirits, souls, and bodies are cleansed and renewed during this special time." Most of us have lost control over some of the things we choose to walk into each day. We over eat, we over sleep, we under serve, we under worship, and a whole host of other indulgences. Last year I chose to give up Ice Cream, something I was seemingly addicted to. During the fast I went through serious withdrawal, upset and sometimes anger because of it. I found that it was my comfort. I thought Jesus was my comfort, but Ice Cream had snuck its way in and taken His place. I'm grateful that my eyes were opened to that fact. I still have ice cream on occasion, but not the weekly quart that I was consuming last year. My scale is grateful.

There are different ways to fast. Different things to give up. Different methods of challenging the flesh and being committed. Most participants are doing water only for a week. Denying their flesh of food. I've fasted many times, usually a few times throughout the year I'll do water or juice only. For this consecration, I needed more of a challenge. I know I can go 30 days without desserts, meat, and bread, so what was my flesh-eating monster?

After much evaluation I realized that I LOVE the lazy, gluttonous feeling. It's such a luxury to lay around in the bed on a Saturday morning, or go through a whole bag of cookies while watching a movie. Just because I'm my own woman and I can! That's where I need some control. That's where I need to sacrifice. So I decided. This year I am committed to not being lazy or gluttonous. I commit to going to the gym for atleast 30 minutes every day, have atleast one salad everyday, and to consume snacks and desserts in moderation.

I missed the first day of the fast because I lay in bed at 5am convincing myself it was not an official work day so I didnt have to start the fast; I didnt have to go to the gym. The second day I drove to the gym and sat outside for 10 minutes before draaaaggiinng myself inside. Day three... I didn't make it there unitl midday. Why is it soo hard? I've gone to the gym before and I usually like it. Being in there isnt the hard part really, it's getting there. It's 9:38pm and I havent made it there today, and I'm embarrassed to say I'm making up excuses not to go while I write this.

Cookies! Chocolate covered potato chips! Just telling yourself you can't have something heightens the desires. But i'm not depriving myself, I'm jst saying don't eat 20! Two cookies after dinner should satiate my desires right? Unfortunately not. My neighbors gave me 2 coupons to Krispy Kreme for a free donut and hot chocolate. I'm about to go off on my husband if he doesn't take me there before they expire.

I knew it would have been challenging, but not THIS challenging. We are only 4 days into the fast and I have already asked my husband if we could take a break. He looked at me without judgement, but with much disappointment. I looked away shamefully yet recommited.

I have become such a monster! I know it's the withdrawal phase, but Good Lord give me strength. I'm embarrased at what I see. I'm hoping that as I persevere through this time that I will wake up one day with a message of victory to blog about. A victory means great things because I would have gained control and be better able to manage my health and my time this year and be more productive. Such a bright and glorious light at the end of this tunnel.

In the mean time.. I want cake :-(

I hope your efforts (if your are participating with us) is going a lot better than mine.